Thursday, November 18, 2021

Response to the Alumni Letters from Charlie Dowers in 2020 (The Oaks Principal)

 A year ago in November of 2020, alumni from The Oaks began sharing letters to current students and posting them on this blog site. A week into the letters being posted, the principal Charlie Dowers sent an email to all the current parents and faculty. 

I chose to wait a year to share this email because I did not want to take space away from the authors.

 However, the letters have stopped, families have made decisions, 2021 is almost over. But if you were wondering if The Oaks ever said anything, here it is. Please note, this was secretly obtained and I was not intended to receive this. 

But obviously, this network of authors has my back and knows the power of social media. #underhiseye

--- 

11/06/2020

God's Providences Come in Many Forms

Greetings Oaks Parents,

The wisdom of our God is infinite. His providences come in a variety of forms. Some are delightful. Some are hard. Yet all of them are for the good of His people. And while we celebrate the goodness of our God, we have a difficult and saddening situation which has reached the point that requires I bring it to your attention.

A number of disgruntled Oaks alumni have started a blog that is intended to be a space where people can share what they need to say about or to The Oaks. The blog is entitled “The Oaks Alumni Letters” and can be found on blogspot. Sadly, the bulk of the grievances enumerated there have not been brought to my open door (Matthew 18:15-20) in order for discussion, forgiveness, and restoration to happen.

I want you to know this blog exists so you are not surprised.

In this time, there are some things I encourage you to do.
1) Pray for God’s love to pour out on our school: families, staff, and alumni. Pray that God’s love would unite us.

2) Be active in expressing your gratitude for God’s love, faithfulness, and His work at The Oaks. 1 John 4:16—And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.

There are also some things I discourage.
1) I would discourage you from reading and responding to the blog. Our goal is to live at peace with one another and always appropriately seek reconciliation in matters of disagreement or discord.

2) I also discourage you from discussing the letters amidst and among the broader community as it will not help foster peace and unity. Again, my office door is open.

As Scripture reminds us, GOD IS GOOD. We trust and follow him. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

God has given us godly teachers and staff for 25 years. They demonstrate faithfulness to the Scriptures and a deep affection for their students as well as their subjects. We are grateful for them and their sacrifices. We love our alumni—all of them—and pray for their souls to rejoice in Christ now and forever more.

Finally, I want to share with you a quote from one of my favorite books: Charity and Its Fruits, by Jonathan Edwards. In God’s timing I came across this earlier this week. “Love to God will dispose us thus to express our gratitude for his long-suffering exercised toward us.”

May you and I follow in the footsteps of our Lord as we act in love with meekness and kindness.

We are blessed beyond measure in Christ!

Charlie Dowers

Wednesday, August 4, 2021

#39 - Letter from a Teacher (Non-Oaks, still counts)

(To view the interview clip between Natasha and Thomas, click here.)

 To the alumni, faculty, and parents of the Oaks, as well as all other Classical Christian Academies,

 

I would like to share my story with you, though I am not an alumni of the Oaks community. I am, however, a former teacher from a Classical Christian school near Austin, TX. I taught English in this school for four years, from 2012 to 2016, and in that time I learned a lot about how Classical schools operate. My experience was complicated at first, and by the end troubling. Since leaving, I’ve sought out conversations with teachers and alumni from Classical schools across the country, and invariably I’ve found the same experiences repeated.

If I could go back to 2012 and change one thing, it would be to trust my instincts. Trust my concerns, my doubts, and ultimately my values.

 Though I knew little about Classical Education at the beginning, I had many concerns about teaching in a private Christian school. I thought it might be elitist, a stuck-up institution that existed to make itself feel superior to its neighbors. I feared it would be stifling, forcing me to teach literature only as Christian allegory, rather than windows into the rich diversity of human experience. Though I wasn’t a science teacher, I feared the school would force me to espouse a faith in young-Earth Creationism, a form of anti-intellectualism I had already grown past and wasn’t eager to return to. But mostly, I was afraid this would be a place that didn’t accept any sort of dissent or questioning from the accepted dogma. A skeptical person by nature, I didn’t think I could thrive in that environment.

 Within my first week, each of these fears had been denied by official statements of the school leadership. By the end of the four years, each had been confirmed by their actions.

 The school’s leadership frequently spoke of the school not as a mere institution, but a community. The school existed to raise up the whole person, in a Christian Paideia, and to help parents fulfill their God-given responsibilities. In many ways, their actions backed this up. I watched as the school rallied behind students who lost parents to cancer and families who lost kids to suicide. I saw the ways a community comes together in celebration and in grief. I also saw the ways that this tight-knit community was built on a foundation of exclusion.

 I first noticed this in the way the school leaders spoke about academic accomplishments. The student body consistently scored high above their public-school peers in SAT and AP exam scores. The school boasted a much higher college acceptance rank, including a higher percentage going on to Ivy League schools. To the school leadership, this was clear evidence of the superiority of the Classical Education model, and at times, clear evidence of the superiority of our students as people.

One day, I was sitting in the teacher’s lounge, when my colleagues were discussing a student who had graduated two years before. This student had struggled at our school, requiring a do-over on his senior thesis and finally graduating with a C average. He went on to attend Austin Community College, then transferred in his sophomore year to a state school.

 Halfway through his first year in the state school, he came back to visit and chat with his former high school teachers. To his surprise, college was easy! He was consistently scoring at the top of his class, a favorite student among his professors. Our high school principal (excuse me, Head of the School of Rhetoric) gave the definitive analysis:

 “Well, the dumbest student here is the smartest there. It’s a different league.”

 In my view, we didn’t have a better system of education — at least, we didn’t have the evidence to say so conclusively — but rather, we had a carefully-designed selection process. The admissions process included a written test and a family interview, to make sure the family was a good fit for the school community. Families paid tuition. The process seemed designed to select for supportive, upper-middle-class Christian families, almost entirely white.

 I wondered — at times to myself, at times aloud — how a family or student that did not fit the mold would fare in Classical Education. Would a Latino family, where both parents worked (of which there are many in central Texas) be able to fully engage with a Classical Education? Would they care to, given its focus on European authors and history? What about students with learning disabilities? Did they have a place here? My questions were poorly received, and eventually I realized that this school had been designed to exclude the majority of our neighbors.

 To continue this narrative of Classical exceptionalism, the school built an image of respectability, hiding certain aspects of their anti-intellectualism. During my first week on the job, I asked my new boss (who had been a biology teacher earlier in his career) how the school approached evolution. He told me, quite definitively, “we teach it.” I made the mistake of believing him.

 I discovered that this statement was, at best, incomplete. While the school taught about the scientific theory of evolution, it also taught, more or less, that this theory was wrong. In 2015, I attended the Society for Classical Learning conference and was subjected to a multiple-day talk by Stephen Meyer that argued vehemently against Darwinian evolution. Since leaving, multiple former students have explained to me what exactly they were taught in their biology classes, and it wasn’t all science.

 In this, and other times, the school revealed its hidden curriculum. It wasn’t really about teaching students to think; it was seeking to instill dogma, and any intellectual pursuit that went against their dogma was not given space. I heard statements from colleagues, administrators, and big-name leaders in the Classical Education movement, in which they dismissed entire fields of study, from psychology to anthropology to child development.

 Despite statements to the contrary, the job of the Classical teacher was to explain what to believe, and the job of a student was to accept it. Questions were not given space for real exploration, whether they came from students or teachers. One day, after sitting through my defense of questioning, my boss said:

 Ive seen this time and time again. People ask one question after the other, whittle their faith down to nothing, so that they can do whatever they want.”

 I had tried to push back against the attitudes of exclusion and anti-intellectualism, but I was unable to. Classical Education is designed to mold people into its image, to form their affections,” and this is a hard pull to resist. By the time I had enough distance to evaluate my time as a Classical educator, I realized I had failed. Rather than sparking important questions and conversations, I had mostly found myself suppressing my doubts and questioning my values.

 After leaving, I spent several years trying to process my experience in Classical Education, and eventually I resolved to write about it. The result was two essays, “Wisdom and Virtue” and “Good Man Speaking Well,” in which I told stories my experience and others. The essays were, first and foremost, an attempt to better understand for myself what I had been a part of, though I hoped that others might find answers in them too.

 Soon, the essays spread, and I began to receive emails from others who had been a part of that community. I heard from parents, teachers, and students (including some I had taught). Some were involved in other Classical schools, in parts of the country I had never even been to. Suddenly, I did not feel alone. Many other people had felt exactly the way I had in Classical Education. Some of them, such as the LGBTQ students I spoke with, felt much worse. Where the stories differed, it was a difference of degree, not of kind.

 

Thank you for your time, and I hope my reflections have been useful for you. If you would like to reach out and talk more about anything I’ve written here, please email me at thomaswhite.writing@gmail.com.

 

Thomas White

www.thomaswhitewriting.com

Tuesday, December 22, 2020

#038 - Josh Korver

 All, 

After graduating, it is a common thing for alumni to be asked about their schooling experience. Most people are stunned to hear about the school size. Some couldn’t believe we were required to wear uniforms. And more times than not, all remarked how different our education was; that our schooling “was not normal.” No, it was not. 

All the families who send their kids to the Oaks know that the school is not “normal.” Actually, this is what attracts a lot of families to the school. Eager parents come to the Oaks looking for innovative education, a place where their child will get more out of an education. It is no doubt impressive to see a six year old kid recite a long poem at a speech meet. It is striking to see a thirteen year old kid confidently debate complex topics. Strangers who attended the school plays would be in disbelief when someone told them that the actors and actresses were also full time students. The Oaks was different. 

And I am sincerely grateful for the education I was given while I attended. My parents worked relentlessly to get me to graduation. I am able to collect and write my thoughts to this blog post largely because of the rhetorical training I received. Many alumni agree that the school prepares one to write and speak well in college; which is not a surprise given the crucible events known as a junior and senior year thesis. But despite the rigorous academic curriculum and accomplished students, the school misses the mark in sincerity. 

Lack of sincerity? Do you not recall the several times our English teacher would cry reading some of his favorite poems aloud? Do you not recall how passionate our science teacher would get about Mt. St. Helens, describing the mitochondria, or how amped he would get with bottled rockets? Did you forget how our choir teacher would smile at us all during the Christmas program as we sang? No, I do not mean to say that any teacher at the school was not passionate about what they taught. I would also argue every teacher is deeply passionate about each of their students. And every teacher is unquestionably zealous for Christ. However, the school misses the mark in being genuine in the Christian faith. 

With all the in-depth Biblical teachings, every one of us went through school knowing what to say and how to argue for the faith. We could talk hermeneutics and Bible context and apologetics all in the same day. We had the head knowledge. But when it came to the moments where when one would mess up, when a shirt came untucked or an attitude was displayed, it was used as public embarrassment for the entire school to later find out about. Sin was not tolerated. But it often did not have to be an actual sin. One example of this was a time when and there were probably 3 hours left in the school day. We were waiting to get our finals back and I remember some classmates were holding hands with one another and giggling while doing so. The expectation was to remain poised and silent in your chair unless called upon. The teacher called upon them and asked, “Are you building the kingdom of God or the kingdom of man?” He put all their names on the board and then we all went to summer break. Where was the disobedience? Where was the sin? This one story is an example of the types of “sin” that have students constantly in a state of fear of committing and has them fixated on appearance. Should this be the goal of the school? Should this be the goal of a genuine Christian?

On top of the demanding workload, the expectation to always perform, and staying competitive with your peers every student carries around the perpetual fear they might stray from perfection, the fear they might sin. Looking back on my time there, a good amount of effort was spent hiding my sin from my peers and from my family. Sin equaled shame and no sane person enjoys feeling internal and external shame. 

Public appearance, public performance, and public perception ought not to a part of an administration that wants to create genuine Christians to change the world. Some of the most sincere Christians that we had to read about were also the most open about their sins and shortcomings. There was a clear double standard in place for every student. Somehow, we had to balance apparently being made broken and sinful as humans with perfectly fitting a certain mold that the school wanted. And this from the same administration who have most certainly read Matthew 9:9-12: “While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, ‘Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?’ On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”  I saw this very thing happen to peers, who were counseled not to hang out with public school kids because of the poor influence. What about the influence a Christian is to impart on the world? What was there to fear? Should this be the goal of a genuine Christian?

Where were the school outreach programs that students could run and participate in to show this genuine faith to the world? No, no, go back to reading Hamlet. What about all the homeless people that every student sees walking around downtown, could the school do anything to help them? Wait, have you translated all of your Latin homework and memorized the new vocab? Surely the school could organize an overseas trip to bring the word of God to people in some third world country, oh wait; we all know what other trips were funded and documented on countless social media posts. It is written, “I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' "Then the righteous will answer him, 'LORD, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” Truthfully, this insincere life approach and heavy emphasis on appearance has definitely led to several students walking away from the faith themselves since graduating. 

I felt the constant shame of sin while I attended. I chose to hide it. I learned about all the arguments for the faith and I could defend them. But when I questioned what I was taught, it was met with disdain or I clearly did not comprehend the proper Christian response; so I chose to remain quiet. It all eventually led to becoming a two faced suck up who wanted to make others happy and appear satisfied in life. I was not. And it all continued until my final years of college where enough was enough. I was tired of ensuring others’ happiness over my own, hiding how I truly felt, and acting within the standards created by others.  

The fact is: we are all broken, hurting, imperfect people who will make mistakes /sin. This very fact is what shocks me when looking at the community I came from: IT IS FILLED WITH THE SAME! But when it came to the expectations and standards that were in place all my life, it was never tolerated to show brokenness. Hide your sin, hide your flaws and carry on. Imagine everyone was born with a constant cold but every time you sneezed, you were chastised for doing so. “How dare you show symptoms of the disease we all have!” 

I think I have hinted at some of the changes I hope those currently attending will choose to make. Act like your faith is worth a damn, stop paying lip service. There are Christians actually dying for their faith in other countries as you all sing hymns at Cantabile, before a game, or at a concert. In summary, “The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle.” 

A Concerned Alumni

Tuesday, December 1, 2020

November Recap [From Natasha]


The Oaks Alumni Letter Site has been live for one month. The site statistics are below for you to indulge all your data curiosity.


I receive about 3 messages per week from someone (I often don't know) expressing how supportive they are that this is happening. Parents are thankful to get a glimpse into the lives of alumni. Alumni are reading too. Some are grateful to know they aren't alone, some are thankful to have a place to just speak from their hearts, some are still working through some therapy, and some are angry we didn't schedule a meeting to sit down with Charlie and Bruce and outline specific requests. We all land somewhere on the spectrum. 


The project goal was to provide a place to share our experiences that was safe, that would be heard, and that would be protected from Facebook comment-fighting. 

The project succeeded. 

Overall, there have been approximately 1800 unique readers. The letters have been shared with many non-Oaks members who had similar experiences but never knew there was a whole community. Additionally, these letters shed some light on how parents have felt -- this perspective was entirely new to me, as I continue to learn parents were struggling and are in some way reading these letters with a sigh of relief too.  


The letters, and this movement, rather unexpectedly created a community of people who are reconnecting, who are healing, who are finding solidarity and who are stepping forward because they aren't alone. With that being said, we believe the next step is to launch a podcast where we can continue this process and more fully examine this collective experience.

For the Podcast

I am opening (virtual) interviews up to anyone (meaning, non-Oaks people) who wants to share their story. Each participant is required to submit their letter (via emailing me directly) and fill out the Podcast sign up form. I will be handling all the interviewing logistics and Jordan Fugitt will run all audio engineering. Participants do not have to be connected to the Oaks. 

If you know someone who is working on their letter, maybe is reading these and wants to write but doesn't know where to start, or perhaps they feel like there is nothing "new" to say-- support them and send them this link! We have editors, we have prompts, we have a supportive community who wants to hear their story. Ideally, their letter/story can focus on sharing their experience without being influenced by the other authors. I am still accepting letters from Pro-Oaks Alumni :) They get to share too!

Site Statistics


  • Total site views: 58,611 (this is how many times the site link has been opened)
  • Unique Viewers: 1,812
  • Total letter views: 25,787 (this is the total number of letters read - so one person could have read all 37 letters twice, and the stats would count that as 74 reads)
  • Average letter reads: 697 (each letter is tracked by reads)

If you know someone who might find this pretty fascinating:
  1. Share the Alumni Letters Site link through your social media! 
  2. Sign-up for the podcast
  3. Follow me on Instagram for regular updates: @nncheelz

All my love and holiday cheer, 

Natasha

--

Email: nncheeley@gmail.com

Instagram: @nncheelz

cell: 208-659-1471


Wednesday, November 25, 2020

#037 - Lillian Ragudo [Class of 2016]

 My name is Lillian Ragudo, I attended the Oaks K-12th, and graduated in 2016. This is a short record of my experience. I don’t think it is particularly more or less tragic or difficult than anyone else’s experience. I would have had struggles whether I went to another private school, was homeschooled, or went to public school. What you take away from my story is up to you at this point.


“The nail that sticks out gets hammered down.”

“出る釘は打たれる”

-a Japanese saying


My main difficulty at the Oaks was that this saying was really taken to heart. Whether this was intentional or not this is the environment I experienced. The Oaks taught me how to think logically, argue well, and to ask questions. I was taught to be bold in my faith and that Christians are meant to stand out in their beliefs. Yet in high school and junior high, where I was to practice these skills I was learning, I learned conformity instead. I learned that in the long run it was best to just believe what everyone else believed. To stand out was to be hammered down even by the safe bubble that the Oaks provided. If you wanted to use those logic and reasoning skills to debate or understand “the why”, then it was time for the Oaks faculty to force you into the mold of the ideal student, who agreed with them.


I learned in elementary school that if I outwardly looked like a good student then people would ignore or overlook my sins. My friends and classmates might get harassed for small uniform violations but I would not. Other students would be constantly watched for wrongdoing, but I would not. It wasn’t like teachers didn’t notice my behavior, it was more that the way I presented myself meant that somehow it was okay or just a silly mistake. Other students could do the same misbehaviors as me, but would end up with their name on the boards, office visits, and phone calls home. So I learned to act the part of a “good” student. This conformity affected my faith as well. I believed that I was saved through grace by faith, but lived my life as if it was my works that saved me. Throughout high school and after graduation I slowly became disconnected by what I truly believed and what was just memorized knowledge. I felt like an imposter. On the outside, I was that model Oaks student and a “good” Christian kid, but inside I was unsure of my beliefs just like anyone else my age. There were things that I saw and heard both at school and at church that I felt was wrong, but pretended I believed they were okay and right.


 I feared people and what they thought of me and only shared small pieces of myself. I thought that if people learned certain facts about me then I would be hated. I pretended that I was okay.  I lied to myself so well and so thoroughly that I really believed that I was the person, who I pretended to be. I also disregarded my own mental health. If you told me in high school that I clearly struggled with mental illness I probably would not have believed you. The truth is I have struggled with depression on and off since probably late elementary school. I also have social anxiety. I had suicidal thoughts all throughout my junior and senior years. I was also suicidal during my freshman year of college. Through therapy, journaling, and friends I have learned how to properly take care of my mental health. Now the Oaks was never the sole reason for my mental health issues, but the mindset and mentalities that I learned negatively affected me. I learned to conform to the community I was in and it has taken me a long time to really sort out what are my beliefs, thoughts, and opinions and what are the beliefs, thoughts, and opinions that were forced upon me. I don’t think there is anything wrong in teaching your beliefs to your children and sending them to a school that will align with your beliefs. I do think it is wrong for anyone to feel like they will be ostracized by their family, friends, and community for having differing beliefs. For everyone who I am sure is wondering at this point, I am a Christian.


Now to why I finished my high school education at the Oaks. If you have some inkling of who I am it's probably some thought of, “You were part of that nerd group, right?” Well you are correct. It all started with my dear friend Ashley. She pulled together several misfits from different classes to become friends. She gave me my first real close group of friends at the Oaks. Before her, I was friends with various people all of whom are wonderful, but this was for me the first time I clicked with a group of people. I didn’t feel odd or slightly out of place with them.  Ashley made a lasting impact on me forever about the difference one person can make. She created a space for misfits and I did my best to continue it.


After Ashley left the Oaks and some of my other friends graduated I became depressed. However, I found myself surrounded by new and old friends, other outsiders. I am happy that during my time at the Oaks there was a place for those of us, who didn’t quite fit. I think my life has certainly been enriched by my openness to being friends with anyone. I was by no means a perfect friend and have many failings. My friends and I struggled at the Oaks in our different ways. Our friendship was a place to find solidarity and to relax from the pressures. It was a conscious space that we had to make for ourselves. They are life long friends and the reason I could not imagine finishing my high school education anywhere else.


Another important group of people I would be remiss to mention were my classmates. While I was not as close to them as my nerd group, I am thankful that we all got along so well. I have many wonderful memories with them and continue to meet up with them every December.


The last thing I wish to say about my experience is that I truly loved my teachers imperfect though they were. Despite my difficulties, I did enjoy attending the Oaks. I am thankful for the love of teaching and the love for their students that I saw in all of my teachers. I appreciate my time at the Oaks and I wouldn’t be who I am today without it.  I do not want anyone to come away from my letter and believe that there was only bad or only good. Just like everything else in life there was both on a sliding scale.


My real critique for the Oaks is this: Learn from the feedback that you receive and grow from it. Critique is to help you grow and become a better school. I think in the past the Oaks has received feedback poorly and been stubborn to healthy growth in many areas.


Last but not least a confession. A detail that by itself I believed would cause people to hate me. Or at the very least cause people to think of me negatively. A statement I believed by itself would give people reason to disregard what I have said or will say. This detail is something I can’t control like my eye color, yet all of these horrible beliefs are attached to it. I am pansexual. I no longer live in fear of others. But tell me, was my fear misplaced?


Thanks for reading to the end,

Lillian Ragudo

She/ They


Feel free to talk to me about whatever, doesn’t have to be related to this letter.

IG: @lillianrose.design

Lillian.ragudo@gmail.com









Thursday, November 19, 2020

#036 Alisha Myers [Class of 2012]

 I am going to be honest I was 100% against this blog at first. I loved the idea, but I thought it would have been better to send these letters directly to the staff. There was one thing that changed my mind: Charlie Dowers encouraging the staff, parents and students to resist from reading them. As an attorney, I am a big fan of free speech, and this makes me believe that even if the letters were to be sent, he wouldn’t give them to the staff. Mr. Dowers banning this blog is akin to the instance in the Harry Potter saga where Dolores Umbridge forbids practicing magic. These restrictions usually don’t work and even cause uprisings. That’s all I will say about that.
 
Some Positives: 
Before I begin, I want to say that there were several teachers whom I loved at the Oaks, and still love dearly.  Most were elementary school teachers and all were woman. Mrs. Holland taught me how to read, and has been a constant support ever since. I love her dearly. Mrs. Korver is still a good friend. Although she never taught me, she has always been a light in my life. Mrs. Kennedy (now Hartman) did a good job handling my drama in 4th grade and she is still a great teacher and amazing mom. Finally, Ms. Garlfield (now Wilson) taught me how to own who I was, with flair and respect. She brought fun back to the classroom and the year where she was my teacher was honestly one of the best in high school. I lived for that History class. Also Mrs. Gibson is the best person on staff because she worked with me one on one after I left the Oaks and helped me get into Law School. I am forever grateful for her. 
I worked my butt off in high school to make a decent G.P.A. and to remain on the volleyball team (that was my parents’ deal with me). I will say that the Oaks taught me that if you can work hard enough, you can achieve goals. Was that goal for me a 4.0? Absolutely not. The goal was a passing grade, and I did pass. I also really appreciated how the Oaks prepped you for college apps. If they did more preparatory work for college, I think that would be amazing because the way they help students into college is excellent. Finally, the Oaks instilled a love in reading in me. Mr. Palpant made me love reading, and although he may have had some issues as a teacher, he suffered from physical ailments that I am sure affected him that during this time.  These people are human, and I have to believe that this may have played a part in some of what others are saying. 
I also learned at the Oaks that boys are not worth the drama.  Seriously boys are never worth the drama and the good ones usually never come with drama. That’s actually why I left the Oaks because girls were being weird about how much I talked or spent time with certain male classmates. That may be more a high school thing in general than an Oaks specific thing but either way I learned a lesson from it. 
 I also learned that being a great parent means advocating for your kids. MY PARENTS WERE SO GOOD ABOUT THIS. ESPECIALLY MY BOSS OF A MOM.  The Oaks also taught me that you can teach about God in a school but unless your home life is Jesus-focused then your kids will not grow. My sister and I are still Christians and much of that is due to my parents, not the Oaks. 

Some Negatives:
Middle School- High school was honestly hard for me academically and emotionally. I remember not fitting in, drama with my female classmates regarding boys, and honestly some weird teaching experiences. I won’t name names, but I remember one teacher in 7th grade saying that the women should get married and have kids and that is what it means to be pure as a woman.  I told my mom that day that I thought this was messed up. I remember that teacher’s son making fun of me for wanting to be a lawyer. Despite the fact that my best grade at the Oaks was logic I was consistently told my place was in the house. Yikes… not even the Bible says that. 
I was a trouble kid in the Oaks eyes… I spoke out of turn, spoke loudly, and spoke my opinion. I was not liked by many male teachers for those qualities. I also was in tutoring for basically every subject, tutoring which still never really helped my grades. Never once was I tested for any learning disabilities or was it suggested that I had any, and now I know that I have ADHD. To be fair, an ADHD diagnosis in women is often missed but trained educators should know those signs. I wish that someone would have advocated to my parents for that. How can a kid struggle in so many subjects but the possibility of a learning disability is never discussed? 
There is so much more I could say including bullying and teasing by other kids, but it’s not worth rehashing.  I think those conversations I’ll save for therapy. (If you haven’t tried therapy I highly recommend it).  Finally, the one thing that put a bad taste in my mouth was how there were instances of students marrying teachers (not sure how anyone hasn’t touched that). I’m sure they are happy families now but at the time and even today that seemed WEIRD AF to me. I’m really hoping that is no longer happening. (I’m sure there are backstories on how they knew each other beforehand but if that’s the case, then they should have stepped down from teaching until the student graduated). 

Takeaway: 
Last thing I will say is this: I forgive those who hurt me or said things to me that were hurtful. And if I ever hurt anyone, I am truly sorry.  I really have no ill will toward the Oaks either.  I will end with this, Jesus loves people by serving them, bestowing grace, coming along side people’s mess, and loving those He disagrees with. I think if the Oaks displayed more of the love of Christ than legalism then it would be a much different school. My dad always says a school, a church, and the world is all perfect without people in it.  Its starts with the people. So Oaks kids and faculty (who are breaking the rules and reading this) what kind of person do you want to be, and how can you display Jesus’s LOVE? Answering that question can evoke change. 
P.S. For those who want to know I am a practicing attorney now, about to be married to the best guy, and I still love Jesus with my whole heart. Always happy to talk to anyone and catch up! Reach out to me on Facebook or through Natasha. With my line of work I don’t like publishing my private contact info. 
-Alisha Myers.

Wednesday, November 18, 2020

#035 Joel Wright - parent letter

Hello everyone my name is Joel Wright. I am the husband of the notorious letter writer number 19. I know she put my name on it but it was really mostly Jill’s letter. On a side note that is what we call her now. 19. Think Stranger things.

Let me get a couple of things straight right away. I do not use punctuation or proper sentence structure. One of my college professors asked if I had something against apostrophes. I also do not know how to spell. I was the kid who took woodshop in high school. I proudly got my Junior College AA degree in 4 years. 19 wanted to edit this but I would not let her because I wanted it to be authentic. I really cannot call myself an adult. When family friends drop their children off at our house they ask if 19 is going to be home?  I have read a few of the letters on the blog that 19 showed me. So I am not an expert. I do have experience with my son's attendance at the Oaks. This letter is more about going forward through looking at the past. I think that is what most of the authors on this site are trying to do. I might be critical of the Oaks teachers and administration in this letter. But deep down I know they are doing the best they can and believe they are doing what is in the students best interest. The Oaks deserve grace as well.

I have read letters of honesty, sadness and pride. I have seen letters stating everyone “needs to suck it up” “I just got through it the best I could etc." By now you realize I was correct about how I write. So focus on the message. I want to talk about Grit and Grace and how administration of both can affect people. I am not going to write the definition of each of these because I am too lazy to look them up at this time. And I know you guys already know the definition. Ok here goes woodshop logic at it’s best.

Let's talk about how the Oaks administered Grit in my opinion. How many of you felt the homework assignments were just busy work that didn’t teach you anything more than how to work hard and not have time for anything else you really wanted to do? This is an example of Grit. Just work hard, don't ask questions and if you fail to have Grit then it is a sin and I will point that out to you in the middle of class and in the end you will thank me. Do you think attention grabbers might be another example of Grit through discipline? You have the wrong pair of shoes on today. Name on the board. “The wall of shame.” The school thought they were teaching you Grit. But instead they taught you Pride and how to survive maybe? You toed the line so that you could get by. But as some of you have said ‘you really didn't give a shit.'' But Pride steps into our minds when our name is not on the board. The school seemed to have a system to separate the chosen from the sinners. I think attention grabbers are one way they inadvertently achieve that method. Attention grabbers point out sin. Grace lets you make mistakes and still loves you. Grit if taught incorrectly achieves nothing but distrust, anger resentment and dead thinkers.

Maybe some of you are thinking, was it really that important to have my shirt completely tucked in while I was learning? Did that really have anything to do with learning? Did they really need to point it out in front of the class? Then you went home and told your parents. Your parents said “That was stupid for them to do that. But just hang in there and tuck your shirt in properly so that you don’t get your name on the board.” I unfortunately probably said that to my sons.  So you learned the definition of Grit and discipline is to follow orders no matter if you agree with them or not. So let me ask you guys something? (oh by the way when I use the word guys I mean girls as well. I don’t want to offend anyone. I am old). So the question is when you went back to school the next day did you have more or less respect for your teacher? Did you want to learn more or less? Were you more concerned with conforming or learning? Were you a free thinker or just a thinker? Oh and if you question them or have the above thoughts did you feel like you were not praising God. How many of you are now having a hard time reconciling that notion? How far away are you from God?  I will not be putting any bible verses into this letter. You guys already know them all.

Now let me get something straight. We were all idiots when we were 14-18ish. They boys still are. You deserved to get your names on the board sometimes. But let us get into Grace. I like grace. It allows me to make mistakes and want to learn from them. I love when 19 tells me “I am really mad at you right now for (pick a reason. I screw up all the time. I am a dude) but I still love you.” When she says that I want to be a better person. When she sends me to the Headmaster’s office I just get angry and resentful. If the Oaks administered grace would your experience have been better? Instead of saying “Well the Oaks was tough and I got spanked and forced to apologize to teachers and they never apologized to me. I got my name on the board. I felt like a sinner and the way I reconciled that feeling was to not care. But look at me now!" Do some of you wish that you could have said that during your senior speech. I don’t know if you would have. I am not you. I don’t know your personal story. I don’t know your struggles. That is what Grace is all about. Would some of you felt differently about your education if your teacher would have pulled you aside after class and said “Hey I saw your shirt was untucked today and you forgot your belt, is everything ok? I noticed you had trouble paying attention? How can I make the course work more interesting to you? Would you have more or less respect for that teacher? Did you have any teachers that did that at the Oaks or in college? What did you think of that Grace? Did you respect them more after the conversation?

I think Grace teaches us more than Grit. Grit teaches us to suck it up, work hard and do what you need to do. I don’t think that was the Oaks intention. But maybe they taught the students to survive. Grace on the other hand teaches us to think of others. Not be focused on ourselves. It teaches us to give ourselves and others a break. It teaches us not to judge others but to understand them. It teaches us how to grow not survive. If the Oaks had focused on Grace instead of Grit would your education have been different? From reading these letters I think we all know the answer. So in closing please know God loves you whether you want him to or not. He is next to you with love and Grace. I know he feels far away sometimes. But he is not. You can be at odds with organized religion and the Oaks and still have a personal relationship with Jesus.

In the end nobody really cares about how many attention grabbers you get.


Cheers Joel Wright

Response to the Alumni Letters from Charlie Dowers in 2020 (The Oaks Principal)

 A year ago in November of 2020, alumni from The Oaks began sharing letters to current students and posting them on this blog site. A week i...