#035 Joel Wright - parent letter

Hello everyone my name is Joel Wright. I am the husband of the notorious letter writer number 19. I know she put my name on it but it was really mostly Jill’s letter. On a side note that is what we call her now. 19. Think Stranger things.

Let me get a couple of things straight right away. I do not use punctuation or proper sentence structure. One of my college professors asked if I had something against apostrophes. I also do not know how to spell. I was the kid who took woodshop in high school. I proudly got my Junior College AA degree in 4 years. 19 wanted to edit this but I would not let her because I wanted it to be authentic. I really cannot call myself an adult. When family friends drop their children off at our house they ask if 19 is going to be home?  I have read a few of the letters on the blog that 19 showed me. So I am not an expert. I do have experience with my son's attendance at the Oaks. This letter is more about going forward through looking at the past. I think that is what most of the authors on this site are trying to do. I might be critical of the Oaks teachers and administration in this letter. But deep down I know they are doing the best they can and believe they are doing what is in the students best interest. The Oaks deserve grace as well.

I have read letters of honesty, sadness and pride. I have seen letters stating everyone “needs to suck it up” “I just got through it the best I could etc." By now you realize I was correct about how I write. So focus on the message. I want to talk about Grit and Grace and how administration of both can affect people. I am not going to write the definition of each of these because I am too lazy to look them up at this time. And I know you guys already know the definition. Ok here goes woodshop logic at it’s best.

Let's talk about how the Oaks administered Grit in my opinion. How many of you felt the homework assignments were just busy work that didn’t teach you anything more than how to work hard and not have time for anything else you really wanted to do? This is an example of Grit. Just work hard, don't ask questions and if you fail to have Grit then it is a sin and I will point that out to you in the middle of class and in the end you will thank me. Do you think attention grabbers might be another example of Grit through discipline? You have the wrong pair of shoes on today. Name on the board. “The wall of shame.” The school thought they were teaching you Grit. But instead they taught you Pride and how to survive maybe? You toed the line so that you could get by. But as some of you have said ‘you really didn't give a shit.'' But Pride steps into our minds when our name is not on the board. The school seemed to have a system to separate the chosen from the sinners. I think attention grabbers are one way they inadvertently achieve that method. Attention grabbers point out sin. Grace lets you make mistakes and still loves you. Grit if taught incorrectly achieves nothing but distrust, anger resentment and dead thinkers.

Maybe some of you are thinking, was it really that important to have my shirt completely tucked in while I was learning? Did that really have anything to do with learning? Did they really need to point it out in front of the class? Then you went home and told your parents. Your parents said “That was stupid for them to do that. But just hang in there and tuck your shirt in properly so that you don’t get your name on the board.” I unfortunately probably said that to my sons.  So you learned the definition of Grit and discipline is to follow orders no matter if you agree with them or not. So let me ask you guys something? (oh by the way when I use the word guys I mean girls as well. I don’t want to offend anyone. I am old). So the question is when you went back to school the next day did you have more or less respect for your teacher? Did you want to learn more or less? Were you more concerned with conforming or learning? Were you a free thinker or just a thinker? Oh and if you question them or have the above thoughts did you feel like you were not praising God. How many of you are now having a hard time reconciling that notion? How far away are you from God?  I will not be putting any bible verses into this letter. You guys already know them all.

Now let me get something straight. We were all idiots when we were 14-18ish. They boys still are. You deserved to get your names on the board sometimes. But let us get into Grace. I like grace. It allows me to make mistakes and want to learn from them. I love when 19 tells me “I am really mad at you right now for (pick a reason. I screw up all the time. I am a dude) but I still love you.” When she says that I want to be a better person. When she sends me to the Headmaster’s office I just get angry and resentful. If the Oaks administered grace would your experience have been better? Instead of saying “Well the Oaks was tough and I got spanked and forced to apologize to teachers and they never apologized to me. I got my name on the board. I felt like a sinner and the way I reconciled that feeling was to not care. But look at me now!" Do some of you wish that you could have said that during your senior speech. I don’t know if you would have. I am not you. I don’t know your personal story. I don’t know your struggles. That is what Grace is all about. Would some of you felt differently about your education if your teacher would have pulled you aside after class and said “Hey I saw your shirt was untucked today and you forgot your belt, is everything ok? I noticed you had trouble paying attention? How can I make the course work more interesting to you? Would you have more or less respect for that teacher? Did you have any teachers that did that at the Oaks or in college? What did you think of that Grace? Did you respect them more after the conversation?

I think Grace teaches us more than Grit. Grit teaches us to suck it up, work hard and do what you need to do. I don’t think that was the Oaks intention. But maybe they taught the students to survive. Grace on the other hand teaches us to think of others. Not be focused on ourselves. It teaches us to give ourselves and others a break. It teaches us not to judge others but to understand them. It teaches us how to grow not survive. If the Oaks had focused on Grace instead of Grit would your education have been different? From reading these letters I think we all know the answer. So in closing please know God loves you whether you want him to or not. He is next to you with love and Grace. I know he feels far away sometimes. But he is not. You can be at odds with organized religion and the Oaks and still have a personal relationship with Jesus.

In the end nobody really cares about how many attention grabbers you get.

Cheers Joel Wright