#005 Claudia Fain [Class of 2009]

 

Wow, I can't believe this is actually happening. It's been brewing in my mind for YEARS to write a letter to the Oaks. Of course, I had good memories and bad, but the bad ones always stur inside me like a volcano about to erupt. I went to the Oaks for only three years (4th grade-6th grade). Let's take a note from Maria and start at the very beginning. 

I am a Military Brat and youngest of five. I was born in Germany, moved to Montana when I was five --lived there for four years, then moved to Spokane. My parents have always prided themselves on giving us agood education- which I am so grateful for. Honestly, the amount of responsibility they took on to make sure all five of their kids had a good education is so impressive to me. My college was in savings by the time I was five. As a 30 year old now, I'm like....DANG MOM AND DAD YOU ARE SO GOOD WITH MONEY (hehehe). Naturally, with the choices of schools in Spokane, the Oaks looked like a natural choice for me. At the time my parents had us go to private schools until 5th grade and then we went to public. I am not sure why that was the case, but it was fine by me. 

I remember going to meet the principal and learning that they are named The Oaks because oaks are strong, and loved that. I remember having to take a bunch of tests, and bless my sweet little eager heart I was so excited. I always had an eagerness to please, do well and excel. I was so optimistic about these tests, I couldn't wait. Hear comes the sad part....I was at home dressed in my favorite dress at the time, it was new and blue and ADORABLE. I felt so cute, and I was so excited about the prospect of a new school and new FRIENDS. (I love friends you guys...I am a MAJOR people person). My mom is doing her makeup and hair in her bathroom and starts talking to me about how I didn't do well on the tests. My heart sank, and I had a huge knot in my throat. How as this possible...I worked so hard and was so confident that I had done well. She then talked about how the school wanted to hold me back. My hear then EXPLODED. Oh please no...I was thinking..."I can't take 3rd grade again..I'm already on the older side AND the tallest in the class...I'll be SUPER old and SUPER tall...no please no...I was so excited for fourth grade please no..." Of course I burst into tears and told my mom how excited I was for 4th grade and that I couldn't handle the embarrassment of having to do 3rd grade over. This is one of many times that my parents stood up for me against The Oaks. I am beaming with pride as I type this- I just love my parents. They put their foot down and said no, she is not being held back. I was so thankful and promised to work as hard as I possibly could to not fall behind. The Oaks prides themselves on being "two years ahead." Uh...okay? Like what the heck does that even mean?! *eye roll* One thing about me-is that I don't give up. I just work harder and try a different way. 

I begin my 4th grade year. I remember that year was bizarre because it was when 9/11 happened and school started really late. They were having building issues, so we didn't start school until October 2nd- the day after my birthday. My 9/11 memories are me waking up, going downstairs and my mom watching the tv with tears in her eyes. I'm one of the few that wasn't in school that day. My sweet mom made cupcakes for the class, and I remember they were so delicious! I stood in front of the class while everyone sang happy birthday to me. I felt a little weird because I didn't know anyone yet, but I remember loving it because I adore being the center of attention. (I mean I am an actress can you tell?? hahaha).  

In 4th grade I was always behind. Always. I remember my mom reading my report card and being confused. She goes, "You have a 68% and they say that you are failing? That's a D not an F." We then discovered that the Oaks doesn't give D's. Another example of entitlement. It's absolutely ridiculous. Schools should be similar to other schools so if said student leaves, or is going to another school they are ENCOURAGED when they see a D to raise the grade, instead of feeling like they already failed. Just a thought. I have never been more stressed out in my life with homework than I was when I went to the Oaks. I have a college degree y'all. My 4th-6th grade years I was the MOST stressed about grades and homework. Does that make sense to you?! These years are such informative years-and I was doing homework from 4pm-10:30/11. There was an instance from 4th grade that I will never forget. The teacher did a huge lecture on cheating, and how we need to keep our eyes on our own paper. He said if he sees our eyes wandering around he will send us to the principal's office for a spanking. He hands out the tests, and during it I have a question so I raise my hand. I glance down quickly while my hand is raised to look at my paper to make sure that I am going to ask the appropriate question about the test when he gestures for me to come out into the hall. He sternly asks me if I was looking at Rebecca's paper. (Hi Rebecca haha I remember it was you) I timidly told him I wasn't. He then says, "If I catch your eyes wandering again I will send you to the principal's office." I remember being heartbroken. I never would even think to cheat. I could barely eat dinner that night and my dad was so concerned for me but I didn't want to tell him because I was embarrassed. I didn't want my parents to think that I had cheated. 

My supportive parents paid for me to tutor with my 4th grade teacher on weekends. Of course I wish there was a little more communication going on- my parents were tired, as I am the runt. I just know that all of the sudden I'm at tutoring. I didn't mind tutoring- I learned a lot, and did improve. I will say I can contribute a lot of my work ethic to this day to The Oaks. At the end of the year I got the Most Improved award. I was so proud, and honored. It felt so good-to get it especially after the fear that I was going to be held back. I finally felt like I was on the track to success with this school.

HA! JUST KIDDING because here comes....5th grade. Oh dear. What a year. 5th grade was by FAR the hardest year in my three years at the Oaks. I have so many horrifying memories. I know it sounds dramatic-but I currently teach acting to elementary school students. I can't imagine treating and talking to my students the way that I was talked to by this teacher. Please understand that I don't like to play victim. I really don't-but my whole class can vouch for me-this teacher was HARD on me-and not in a good way. I was so hopeful for the year-after receiving most improved I was so excited. That was squashed. My grades went back to failing. I remember spending so much extra time not at recess because I had to redo some assignment, or go over something that I was behind on. The embarrassing thing about being a kid that "failed" classes at the Oaks was that the whole class knew it. As a class, we knew who was excelling, and who was not. They made that so obvious. You wanna know how? ATTENTION GRABBERS. These brightly colored pieces of paper that they stapled to your assignment, or test as they passed them back out to you. The whole class would see them therefore knowing you failed. I disagree with this-your grades should be private between you, your teacher and your parents. Now these attention grabbers we had to show to our parents of course. I remember having at least 10 that I had to show to my dad. I was so scared to show him. I am beaming with pride at this next part because you know what my dad did? He looked at all of them and he wrote on the back of them what was WRONG with all of them. AH!! I remember one assignment he wrote, "I see two incorrect questions on here, and you gave her a 68%?!?!" hehehehehehe My dad is a doctor so he wrote it in his intimidating doctor scribble. (GOOOO DR. FAIN GO!) At the time though-I was terrified to give these to her. I didn't know what would happen...would I get in more trouble?! I think I even said sorry at one point, and handed all of them back to her saying that my dad wrote notes on the back of them. I remember sitting at my desk nervously sweating, lump in my throat as she read through them. I know we had a teachers assistant and I heard her say sarcastically, "Well...that was a nice comment."  I remember going up to her and trying to apologize. I don't even remember what happened. My poor mom would be up with me at 10:15pm helping me do homework, and there was an assignment we didn't get to and she wrote a note to her saying "It was 10:15 by the time we got to this". The teacher then told me that I wasn't being honest with my "times." At the Oaks we had to write down how much time we spent on each assignment in our planner. Um...okay like a 5th grader is going to keep track of that?! I am a creative skatter brained soul. I would do a little bit of homework and then go play, and come back. Frankly-the Oaks assigned us WAY too much and it was hard to keep track of all of that as a 5th grader. I just guessed how much time I was spending on it because I would break it up. 

My mom did have a meeting with her to discuss next steps. They came up with a schedule for me with my homework. I would come home around 3:30-have a 30 minute break-start my homework at 4. I would do my homework until 10:30/11 at night. No joke. My only release was my ballet classes. Which-my mom did say that the teacher WANTED me to not do anymore. Gosh the INSANITY. I am SO glad my mom didn't listen to her. I still take ballet to this day, and it's a HUGE part of my life. I would never take those classes back. 

I have three more instances that give me chills from 5th grade and then we will move on to my final year at the Oaks. 

We were reading a book called Johnny Tremain. Now, I was so anxious at my time with the Oaks and in turn I grew anxious about making sure I understood everything I was reading in the chapter. She was asking us questions, and I was so nervous. She then asked me a question about the chapter-I went BLANK. I was sweaty, tears welling up because I just could NOT remember! I knew the answer was somewhere inside me but I just froze. It was an awkward silence, and she then goes on to say, "It was the main part of the book Claudia." My heart dropped. How could I not remember?? How was I so dumb?? Those were my 5th grade mind thoughts. As a theatre teacher now, looking at this situation it shouldn't have been a big deal. If I were more comfortable with expressing myself I would've said, "I'm sorry i'm just drawing a blank right now." then move on. Embarrassing a student in front of your class is CRUEL and does not encourage learning. 

Another instance, we were reading the Paul Revere poem. After she asked questions, and asked what the soldiers were doing. Again, I got nervous. She of course asked me. I just couldn't think of how to say what I wanted to say, I knew what they were doing-I just was having trouble putting it into my own words. What came out was me softly saying, "They were sending..." She goes, "They were sending?! What? That doesn't make sense Claudia." My thoughts again were, "Oh my gosh Claudia come on GET it together-why does your brain not work??" 

We are at lunch. I have to go in during recess to do some test, or assignment that I failed who knows. I was having so much fun laughing with my friends, that I just lost track of time. As most KIDS (also adults I might add) DO. She comes STORMING IN in front of everyone in the lunch room, angry. I throw my trash away and follow her quickly. I don't remember what she said in the cafeteria but it was condescending of course and I was so embarrassed that people saw. I remember walking across the parking lot to the classroom and she said, "Now were you spending most of your time visiting or eating?" I mumbled, "I don't remember...." 

My grades did improve that year. I remembr having a happy report card by the end of the year. I do remember her talking to a student about his report card and how he was failing. That is so unprofessional. Again-grades need to be private. I also remember being confused-about where my relationship stood with this teacher. Nice one minute, mean and manipulate the next. Through therapy I realized that this is called gaslighting. ooof.  

*phew* Enter 6th grade! YAY! A brand new year. It was already off to a much better start. The teacher was funny, looked like Teddy Roosevelt. I liked that. He also teased me in front of the class but not in a condescending way! After being beaten down so much the year before, I welcomed the attention. I love attention-that's why I'm an actress so it suited me well. Not to mention he seemed to care about my emotions. Which was so refreshing. I remember I couldn't remember my "Lady of Shalott" poem for the poetry contest. My mom told me that he had said that when I started the poem that he knew he would pick me because it was so good-but he felt so sorry for me when I couldn't finish it. That made me feel good. Wow, getting compliments yay! When he was concerned about my grades he talked to me just one on one, and when my eyes would well up in tears he asked, "Are you okay?" That was such a nice feeling to have. Him asking if I was okay-it had been a while since I had heard that from a teacher. I remember being the only one who understood an assignment that he handed out. It was a "read everything before you do everyhing" assignment. My dad had told me about these kind of assignments so I knew what was up. I looked around with a smirk at all of my classmates doing these silly things like drawing five squares on their paper and doing jumping jacks. I got a piece of candy but it was more than that. I was proud that I finally EXCELLED at something. Finally. 

As a working actress and teacher, I have learned how important positive reinforcement is. My time at the Oaks taught me work ethic, critical thinking, and a thirst of knowledge. Along with it came emotional trauma, a confusion on how to sort my thoughts and me second guessing everything and assuming I'm always wrong. To this day, I struggle with always thinking I'm wrong. It's weird I become that scared little 5th grader in some situations and just freeze. 

Looking at the pros and cons list, I would say the cons outway the pros unfortunately. I am hopeful that the school has changed and learned the importance of positive reinforcement and knowing that children learn in different ways. I felt that the Oaks was trying to make me fit into THEIR mold. As educators, we have to try and reach each student, and people all learn DIFFERENTLY. If I was just taught some things differently I would've excelled at the Oaks, I know I would've! I am hopeful that the school has grown, and able to teach with different methods to help the student excel, not beat them up until they are terrified to ask questions. This wasn't always the case with me-but as you see from my stories in many cases it was. 

This is my raw story of the Oaks. It's 2am and I knew I had to immediately get this out as I just found out about this forum. I am currently a working actress and theatre teacher residing in Kissimmee Florida. Some of the skills I learned at the Oaks I use with my students as well! (We sing everything! hehe) I will say I love my life and am grateful for my time at the Oaks good and bad. Therapy has helped and is still helping me heal from all of this. 

 

I would love to connect with more of you as I still am very much a people person. 

Love and light! 

Claudia Fain 

For tracking purposes: #005