#002 Peter Barber [Class of 2008]

 

Letter to an Oaks student, from an Oaks student.

 

Hello! We don’t know each other, but I was an Oakster too - from first grade up through my senior thesis and high school graduation. That was twelve years ago now, though it feels like longer than that. 

 

Recently, a friend of mine asked me what I’d say to a student currently there. It was a good question, so I wrote this letter as my answer. There’s no reason you should care what I say about your school, I get that, but I’m pretty sure some of this letter might echo how you feel too. See if I’m right or not?

 

This is the part where I tell you that I’m also The Wrong Type of Oaks Alum: one that your teachers would undoubtedly think of as untrustworthy. Maybe you will too, but it’s your choice to make.

 

See, I’m not going to tell you that The Oaks is extraordinary or superior or how lucky you are to be there. It does teach some great things, but...well, it’s just another place trying to do something very big by thinking very small. 

 

I’m also gay, and The Oaks doesn’t like that. I’m not the only gay Oaks alumni either, and they like that even less. I’m telling you this because if I didn’t mention it, your teachers would be tempted to say I’m hiding it from you, since I’m ashamed of it and/or trying to trick you, neither of which is true.

 

Actually, if you want - take this letter to class and have everyone read it together. Then spend some time discussing it to see where I’m wrong, where my worldview is faulty or I used a logical fallacy etc. Find my base assumptions, see if they line up with yours. Why or why not? It’ll make for an interesting class if nothing else, and possibly an easy “A” for you on an essay explaining why I am not to be trusted.

 

So let’s start talking about some Oaks specifics. 

 

First up: grades. It’s so stressful, isn’t it? I remember the knots in my stomach about report cards. Those numbers and letters that allegedly told me exactly how smart I was, how much potential I had. I know it is a very real thing right now, especially as you think towards college, but hold it loosely. Your intelligence really has nothing to do with your grades. Honestly. And unless you’re trying to get into some really pretentious university, most higher education is only too happy to take your money, regardless of if you got an A or a C in calculus. Plenty of research has shown this. Look it up if you’re curious. Also - don’t go to some really pretentious university, those people are kind of insufferable to everyone else.

 

Fun fact: community college is so, so, so cheap. Don’t discount it. Take some pre-reqs there for a fraction of the price, then transfer to whatever other school you want. After college, literally no one cares what school you went to in a serious way anyway. And if they do? Not a person whose opinion you need to care about.

 

Speaking of not caring, here’s another unpopular fact: learning Latin is a waste of time. You probably secretly knew this already. Everything written in Latin has already been translated into English by scholars who put their life’s work into mastering translation. They did the work for you. Hooray! One less thing to think about. 

 

Learn a living language instead, like Spanish or Japanese or Hindi. There is nothing more thrilling than overhearing someone in the grocery store speaking another language, ACTUALLY KNOWING what they’re saying, and asking in their own language if you can practice conversation for a minute? They will be shocked, and very kind. Learning another living language will also help fill in some of the massive gaps in world history and sociology that The Oaks conveniently ignores.

 

Here’s what actually was helpful for me: the framework The Oaks gives, where I learned to think critically, ask questions, love learning, and see the possibility of being someone who can really make the world a better place. Hold on to all of that. Those are such good things. The Latin, the grammar chants, the memorized Scripture - that’s the fluff, and it fades with time. That’s ok. Let it fade. You got what you’ll really find useful.

 

Ask questions. Ask so many questions. Ask really stupid, basic, obvious questions. Ask the questions that annoy the adults in the room. Ask questions that make your fathers uncomfortable. Those are usually the ones worth asking.

 

Read a book, especially if you’re told to not read it. After The Oaks, I was so tired of reading books that I hardly read anything at all for several years. That was nice. Sometimes it’s nice to rest. Then, I remembered how great reading can be when it’s not an assignment, and started reading all sorts of new things. That was nice too - reading what I wanted, as slow or fast as I wanted. 

 

I would also tell you to “be yourself”, but that’s such cheesy advice. What does that even mean? It’s hard to be yourself when you don’t really know who you are. Most people don’t really know who they are at all. I’m still learning who I am. So here’s the question to get started (please don’t write an essay on it, that sounds so tedious): who are you, outside of what you’ve been told you’re supposed to be? It’s a complex question, but trust me. It’s worth it to find the answer. Look for guideposts: people who are kind. You’ll see it in their eyes. Look for songs that make you cry, especially if you don’t really get why. One day you’ll understand. Look for friends who are as weird as you are. They’re the best ones. Go to therapy. Everyone needs it.

 

But right now, you are already growing. You already know more than you realize. You’re going to learn a lot more. The world after The Oaks will blow the lid off that tidy education in the best way possible. Your teachers know this, and fear it. It’s not an end though - it’s a beginning. Embrace that. Not for my sake, but for yours. You’ll be amazed at how far you go.

 

And to the gay Oaks kids reading this: you are not alone, and you are worth more than you can imagine. Survive this time, find people you can trust, and then run towards your best and brightest dreams. I’ll see you out here in the wide, wild, beautiful world. 

 

All my love,

Peter Barber

Hi all, if you’d like to reach out directly to me about what I wrote above, you’re welcome to. Shoot me an email at pbarber19@gmail.com. 

For Tracking Purposes: #002